I’ve been waiting for this day my whole life. I knew it would come, I just wasn’t sure when, but the anticipation of it has always been in the back of my mind- lurking, waiting. This day comes for everyone I think. I suppose there are the lucky few who escape by some twist of fate, but for most….it will happen.
It happened to my sister many years back. Poor thing was pregnant at the time too. We were walking back from the convenience store. She was so cute in her maternity jumper, hair in a braid, belly bulging as she was about 7 months along. There was a skip in her step as she was contentedly eating the contents of a bag of penny candy. She was so consumed with the sugary pleasure of it all, that she never saw it coming. And then she heard it, and I saw it. She cried. I laughed…but I also knew that one day it would be my turn.
A couple weeks ago, I was heading back to my office after a lunch-time walk in the city. The sun was out and there was a skip in my step as I thought of the caramel macchiato I was going to get at Starbucks. And then it happened- fate came calling for me. I heard it. SPLAT. Oh please, no…don’t let it be…but it was. A giant glob of bird crap on my head! I swear my sister’s revenge-filled cackle filled the air. I wiped my hair with my glove, and sure enough- white paste with bits of yellow. The bile rose into my throat and I rushed into the Starbucks towards the bathroom. And then I had to stand there like an idiot with poop all over my head while the lady in front of me took her sweet time. When I looked in the mirror, I couldn’t find it! Where did it go? The goo had sunk into my blonde hair. Disgusted, I walked back to the office and with absolute shame asked my co-worker if he could please locate the remaining excrement. The look on his face, and his very brief glance towards my head told me that he thought I was one foul being, and that he was certainly not going to make an extra effort to look through my hair for poop.
I am now member of the “A Bird Pooped On Me” club. Some of you may commiserate with me, and for those don’t…just remember….this day comes for everyone.